it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
