Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
