My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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