Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
