i think my mom watched the whole time
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
