I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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