Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
