It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
