And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
