you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
