What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize