As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
