I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
