My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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