He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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