a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
