Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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