gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
