and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
