I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
