just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
