Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
