How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
