well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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