i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
