oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
