everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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