she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
