He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
