I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize