Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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