I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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