Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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