I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
