You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
