a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
