Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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