Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
