Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
