Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
