I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just invented taco cereal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
