I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
