You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
