shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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