Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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