I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
