from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
