just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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