just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
