his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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