she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
