Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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