This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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