I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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