put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
