I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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