Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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