I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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