I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
