operation harelip BJ is a go
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize