DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
