So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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