doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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