What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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