i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize