Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
