I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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