Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize