At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
