i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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