What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
