He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
