you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
