Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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