she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My liver just had a heart attack.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize