conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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