god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize