Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
